The Second Honeymoon

You have entered into your married life with lots of colourful dreams, hoping for a lifetime of unending bliss. But things aren't the way you imagined. Hope has faded, dreams have turned pale, and the basket is lost somewhere in the attic. You are pulling on, hoping that someday, at least your kids will grow up and fulfil some of your leftover dreams. Or you are secretly married to your work, hobbies or business, craving some fulfilment. You feel your partner is partly, if not fully, responsible for this situation. You feel you married the wrong person. There is a big vacuum within, and you are tired of pretending. Life has been unfair to you, and you want to quit. You feel you deserve more. Yes, you do.

Is it possible to restore your marriage? The answer is a resounding yes! Because the success of marriage does not depend on the goodness of the individuals involved. “What is impossible for man is possible for God.” Luke 18:27

Marriage is not a human arrangement but God's own idea. God instituted marriage so that through it we might become holy. Marriage is a covenant based on the promise “to love unconditionally.” It is a covenant based on your promise to your spouse, whom you have chosen in freedom to love as God loves.

How does God love? If we analyse the following passages, we will know how.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16.

“Jesus who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross.” Philippians 2:6–11

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you.” John 15:14

Divine love is the basis for human love. To love is to become a sincere gift of self by willing the good of the other person. It is to become a self-gift. God made a gift of Himself and died on the cross for us, willing our good. He did not count the cost. His self-donating act of love was independent of our response to Him. St. Paul says, “Christ died for us while we were still sinners.” Romans 5:8

Love is not the good feeling I have for my spouse. Neither is it the attraction that I have for my spouse. Love is an act of the will. It is a conscious, selfless act of willing the good of my spouse. We must first love independent of attraction and feeling. When we begin to love, we will have in us genuine feelings and attraction based on truth, which is unlike the initial attraction and feeling that was based on mere fantasy.

The Bible says, “We love, because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19.

Just as Christ initiated love, I must be the one to make an act of love first.

Remember, marriage is a promise to love the spouse you chose despite all the odds. Your spouse was your choice. You chose him/her in total freedom. God accepted and blessed the “Yes” you publicly pronounced to him/her at the altar in the presence of the parish priest, the witnesses, family members, friends and well-wishers.

For God, His word is unchanging. He expects the same from His children too, for He said, “Let your Yes be Yes and No be No.” Matthew 5:37.

Marriage is a project of a lifetime. Its success cannot be measured by assessing the compatibility of the couple. Your marriage grows and matures in the measure of the effort you put into loving your spouse, expecting nothing in return.

What we must seek from our marriage is not happiness but holiness. Marriages that seek happiness turn out to be selfish, while marriages that seek holiness turn out to be a foretaste of heaven.

The key to success in marriage is dependence on the sacramental grace available. Man and woman, weak as we are, cannot love as God loves without God's help. That's why Jesus raised marriage to the order of a sacrament.

When a baptised man and woman enter into the sacrament of marriage, there is abundant grace available. We grow and mature in marriage by tapping into this abundant grace. This is the way we can and should reclaim our marriage and relive those honeymoon days.

To build a healthy marriage, we must pay the price. By building a healthy and joyful marriage, you are not only helping your own life but also contributing unimaginably to the welfare of generations after you.

Unmended, unresolved, broken marriages leave you and your children broken and unresolved, and so do the generations that follow.