My Articulate Heart

Why compulsive behaviour may be less about seeking pleasure and more about confirming the painful beliefs we carry about ourselves. We often assume that people return to compulsive behaviours because they enjoy them. They are seeking pleasure, sexual relief, excitement, or escape. And sometimes, that is certainly part of the story. But what if there is something deeper at work? In his work with people struggling with compulsive sexual behaviour, therapist Jay Stringer has explored a difficult possibility: sometimes, what appears to be a pursuit of pleasure may also be an attempt to confirm a deep-seated belief that we are fundamentally flawed. It is a challenging thought. Yet it may help us understand why someone can repeatedly engage in behaviour that threatens their relationships, damages their reputation, and leaves them feeling worse than before. Why would a person continue doing something that seems to work against everything they say they want? Perhaps the answer is not always fo...

What an ancient prophet's story about a block of wood reveals about addiction, shame and the way home. We usually talk about compulsive behaviour in one of two ways. Either it is a moral failure, proof of a corrupt heart, or it is a mindless habit, a glitch in the brain's wiring. Both explanations leave us stuck. The first breeds shame; the second breeds resignation. There is a third way to see it, and it comes from an unlikely place: a short, almost humorous passage in the book of Isaiah. Read closely, it suggests that our compulsions are neither random nor mindless. They are acts of worship that have lost their way. One tree, two uses In Isaiah 44, the prophet describes a craftsman who goes into the forest and cuts down a tree. What he does next is the whole point of the story. With the first half of the log, he meets his real needs. He builds a fire. He roasts meat and bakes bread. He warms himself and says, "Aha, I am warm, I have seen the fire!" Nothing about thi...

Why fighting harder isn't working, and what lasting freedom from compulsive habits actually requires. If you have ever tried to break free from pornography or another compulsive habit, you know the cycle. You install the filter. You make the promise. You white-knuckle through a good week, maybe a good month. Then a hard day comes, and you find yourself back where you started, more ashamed than before. The problem is rarely a lack of willpower. More often, we are fighting the wrong battle, in the wrong place, with the wrong weapons. What follows are five practical shifts that move a person from a life of escape to a life of real freedom. 1. Know what you are free for Most recovery efforts stall because they are built entirely around what we want freedom from . Filters, accountability software and sheer resistance all have their place. But a life defined only by what it avoids is an empty house, and empty houses do not stay empty for long. Lasting change asks a deeper question: what ...

You are a masterpiece, lovingly created by the Father. During my recent days in Rome, I found myself standing before some of the greatest works of art ever created. I stood in churches, walked through galleries, and paused before sculptures that had survived centuries. I remember looking at these masterpieces and wondering: What makes them so valuable? They do not perform. They do not produce. They do not have to prove their worth. They simply remain there, and people travel across the world to behold their beauty. Their value is inseparable from the hands that shaped them, the vision that conceived them, and the love poured into their creation. And somewhere in the midst of these reflections, I began to think about myself. What if I have been looking at my own life through the wrong lens? We live in a world that keeps asking one question: What have you done? We are measured by our achievements, our productivity, and how useful we are to others. Without even noticing, we begin to belie...

The place where God meets me, delights in me, and makes my life fruitful There is a garden within every one of us. It is the place where we meet God. It lies deeper than our achievements and our roles, and nobody there asks how useful we have been. Yet many of us, especially those in ministry, have spent so long tending other people's gardens that our own has gone dry. A beautiful, "useless" place Scripture's first picture of humanity is a garden. Eden has long been linked with the Hebrew word for "delight." The garden's purpose was not to produce or to perform. It existed for communion. God did give Adam a task, "to till it and keep it" (Genesis 2:15). But the gift came first. Adam did not work to earn the garden. He worked because he had been given one. The Catechism calls this inner garden "the heart," which is "the place of encounter… the place of covenant" (CCC 2563). It is richer than we know. St Teresa of Ávila pictu...

Do you love your spouse? Do you love your children? Of course you do. You work hard for them, sacrifice your time, provide for their needs, and make countless decisions with their happiness in mind. But do they know they are loved? Does your spouse feel cherished, even when you disagree? Do your children feel wanted and valued, even when they are difficult, irritable, silly, or bitter? Do they experience your love as unconditional, or do they sometimes feel they have to earn it by being good, agreeable, or successful? Yesterday, over breakfast, a Salesian bishop shared with me a dream of St. John Bosco that has stayed with me. In the dream, Don Bosco noticed a stark difference between the joy of the past and the cold atmosphere that had gradually taken its place in his Oratory. His guide, a former pupil, named what was missing: “What is missing then? That young people are not only loved, but that they themselves know they are loved.” Don Bosco was surprised. Had he not given his life, ...

Christianity does not teach that God’s ultimate plan is simply to return humanity to the Garden of Eden. Through Jesus Christ, God promises the resurrection of the body, the perfection of human life, and the renewal of creation. Yet many questions arise when we consider this promise. Will we recognise our loved ones? Will animals and plants exist in the new creation? What happens to those who reject God? What is purgatory, and can we help those who are in it? Will the earth be destroyed? And can the suffering we experience now help purify us for eternal life? The following questions explore these mysteries in the light of Scripture and Catholic teaching. To help distinguish what the Church teaches from what remains unknown, each answer carries a label: Defined – solemnly defined doctrine Church teaching – taught in the Catechism (CCC) and by the Church’s teaching authority Theological opinion – a theological view that is not binding Open question – not revealed; we can hope and won...

I am beginning to see that my wife is able to love more than I do. That, I believe, is true spiritual maturity. Perhaps this is also part of the feminine genius: the ability to love not merely as a response to what is given, but to continue giving oneself for the sake of the good of the other. I see this in the way a mother continues to make herself available to a rebellious child, even when there is little or nothing in return. I have seen my wife do this with our adolescent children too. I struggle with this. When my children rebel, ignore my words, or show me no respect, I find it difficult to respond with charity. I now realise that my woundedness has often stood in the way of my maturing in love. Perhaps, in His wisdom and love, God allowed me to go through this dark night—a period of abandonment, addiction and purposelessness—so that He could gently expose the places within me that had become twisted and needed careful healing. In my woundedness, my neurological responses would i...