What Makes Love Last?

In his seminal work Love and Responsibility, St. John Paul II offers profound insights into human love, emphasizing the need to elevate it beyond fleeting emotions and desires. He identifies three dimensions of attraction—sensual, sentimental, and spiritual—that interplay in relationships, shaping how we approach love and commitment. Understanding these aspects can help us move beyond superficiality to discover the depth and beauty of true love.

1. Sensual Attraction: The Power of the Senses

Sensual attraction is the most immediate and instinctive form of attraction, rooted in our physical nature. It is the response to the beauty of the other’s body, tied to their masculinity or femininity. This kind of attraction is not inherently wrong—it is part of human nature—but it is limited in scope.

St. John Paul II warns that when sensual attraction becomes the sole foundation of a relationship, it can lead to objectification. In such cases, the other person is valued primarily for the physical pleasure they provide, reducing them to a mere object of desire. True love, however, must transcend this. Sensual attraction, while a gift, needs to be integrated into a higher understanding of love.

2. Sentimental Attraction: The Language of the Heart

Sentimental attraction moves beyond the physical to encompass emotions and romantic feelings. It draws us to another person’s personality, presence, and qualities, often creating an idealized image of who they are. This dimension of attraction can feel profound and fulfilling, as it connects to the deeper emotional needs of the heart.

However, John Paul II cautions that sentimental attraction can sometimes create illusions. When emotions dominate, we may fall in love with an idea of the person rather than their true self. If love is based solely on feelings, it becomes fragile and prone to disillusionment when reality does not match the idealized image.

To build enduring relationships, sentimental attraction must be directed and purified by a higher kind of love, one that seeks the ultimate good of the other person.

3. Spiritual Attraction: The Call to Self-Giving Love

The highest and most profound form of attraction, as John Paul II explains, is spiritual or personal attraction. This transcends physical and emotional desires and recognizes the other person as a unique, unrepeatable being made in the image of God. At this level, love becomes an act of the will—a conscious decision to seek the good of the other person for their own sake.

Spiritual attraction reflects love as a gift of self. It is rooted in selflessness, sacrifice, and the commitment to serve and uplift the other, even when it is difficult. This kind of love is enduring because it is not dependent on changing emotions or physical appearances but is grounded in the recognition of the other’s inherent dignity and worth.

John Paul II teaches that spiritual attraction is the essence of authentic love. It calls us to grow beyond self-centered desires and embrace a relationship built on mutual respect, commitment, and shared purpose.

The Integration of the Three

While each form of attraction has its role, St. John Paul II emphasizes that true love integrates all three dimensions, with spiritual attraction as the guiding force. Sensual and sentimental attractions are natural and important, but they must be ordered toward the good of the person and the relationship. When guided by self-giving love, these attractions become expressions of the deeper spiritual bond between two people.

This integrated vision of love reflects the fullness of human relationships. It respects the body, engages the heart, and elevates the soul, creating a love that is not only fulfilling but also enduring.

Love as a Choice and a Gift

St. John Paul II’s insights challenge modern notions of love that prioritize personal satisfaction over commitment. He reminds us that love is not just something we feel—it is something we choose. It is an act of the will, a gift of self to another, and a response to the call to love as God loves.

By understanding and embracing the three dimensions of attraction, we can approach relationships with greater depth and maturity. True love is not merely about finding someone who fulfills our desires; it is about becoming a gift for the other, seeking their good, and walking together toward a higher purpose.

In a world often dominated by fleeting attractions and superficial connections, St. John Paul II’s vision offers a timeless guide to building relationships that reflect the beauty, dignity, and sanctity of human love.