Is your spouse unattractive?
Looking at the bodies of our spouses, if all men can do is to despair, know well that our position is unreasonable and irrationally mean. We are obstinately attached to our pleasure domain and we feel we have a monopolistic entitlement to selfish pleasure. Our position shatters them. We are questioning their very existence. What could be more difficult than feeling 'I'm not enough' especially when it comes from the one to whom they have committed their entire life to.
Love involves an unconditional acceptance of the other as other. As husbands we should be able to gracefully look at our spouse's loosely hanging bellies riddled with stretch marks, hard and rough palms and cracked foot and spent out breasts and admire them, and sincerely say to her honey they are so beautiful! and that they have only become better. Say to her that those stretches and scratches are proof of the sacrifice you have made for me and our children. They are like the wounds on the resurrected body of Christ - the proof of his unconditional love for me and my children.
Something should be said as beautiful when it is remains true to its original calling. A flower when it withers after it has served it's purpose well, it is still beautiful. If we become blind and not able to see what is truly beautiful, it is because our intellect is dulled by our own selfish obsessions. Today beauty is seen as that which appeals to selfish tastes. Let us blame the world but since this character insufficiency has become a part of my nature I must acknowledge that I suffer this and take ownership of the flaw without blaming anything external to us. All that man is yearning for has an end and that end is God. This is the fundamental truth we must be convinced of. All our aches are our inner cry for a union with God. This reality is wired into us.
Let us ask oursleves the tough question. Do you want her or her services? Do you want her or her body Do you want her or her performance? Do you want the person or the utility of the person?
Every person deserves to be recognised for his/her true self worth and dignity. The value of the person is greater than all other goods one may have. Making an effort to love the person despite her /his brokenness and unlovableness will make us and our spouses truly beautiful. Our relationship will elevate itself to a realm unknown to us - the divine vineyard. This is the fertile ground for children to flourish into perfect persons. Such families will become a beacon of light to those around. These are hope of humanity.
Let us fall in love with love.