Thursday, March 3, 2011

Desire to be in control

How irresolute and frustrated I get when my kids do not care to listen to my ways. I lose temper and grow impatient.  My genuine concerns and warning bounce off as empty uttering. When they get hurt in the frenzy, I think to myself “you deserve it”. When they cry, I look away, determined that they are acting, trying to get attention. I  conclude its all a ploy, part of the game plan. I see them trying to prove that one is better loved and cared for than the other. The looser screams at top of his voice and I wonder where so much sound is coming from!. They cry as if their audience is a thousand miles away.

I grumbled, how beautiful my weekdays were. I experienced Christ at my will. But alas at home, on weekends, I’m lost and helpless.

This morning in prayer I heard a gentle voice saying to me, instead of yelling “better stop this nonsense or you will get hurt and if you get hurt, don’t come to me crying and if you do, I will give you whack” try saying this, “Children, Appa is really concerned that you might get hurt if you go on this way. And if at all you get hurt, waste no time, come running to me, I will take you in my hands and rub where you are hurt and you will be alright, because you are dear to me”

I realize how unlike Jesus, I was at home, with my kids. While on the other hand, I have been so loved and cared by Jesus, despite my impudence and unfaithfulness.

I was like that ingratious servant in the bible who after being forgiven a huge debt by his merciful master, goes and clutches a fellow servant by his neck and demands the pittens he owed him be paid back.

It was my pride who made me so arrogant. It was my desire to be in control that failed me. Lord humble me. I desire that my family comes along the journey I have embarked on with Jesus, my soul mate.

Lord, break me, mould me and use me then as you will.