After a slack or a grim period, as we try to get back into the relating- interacting relationship with Jesus, the mistake we often make is to focus too much on the lapse itself. We dissect the wound left and right, trying to understand what went wrong, how it happened, what I should have done to avoid it, what I must do in the future in similar situations and the agenda is endless. All this super scrupulousness leads to chronic guilt. Guild leads to discouragement and slowly the enthusiasm “to relate” dies down. The beauty of Jesus stops to draw our attention.
Imagine our self to be a paint brush. The fulfillment of every brush is the beautiful painting, the artist paints, using it. The artist is God. The brush is you and I and the painting is our life. God the artist has a canvas for each of us. He is forever ready to use us but the problem is that we are not available or we would have taken a sabbatical after a period of co-operation. This sabbatical is the lapse we saw in the previous paragraph.
We retract into a cocoon with all external access denied. We think we are being available to God but it remains just as a “subdued wish” being in the cocoon of no external access. God would not use us without our consent. He, in toto respects our free will. He goes to any extent to safeguard that freedom given to us because he is love himself yet remains waiting outside the door patiently, knocking gently every now and then without prying into our private lives.
The moment we realize we have had a lapse, instead of turning to the dissection table, we need to consciously turn to Jesus, understanding fully well, the love that is waiting for us be it sun, rain or snow. Look to Jesus, Stay focused on His face, know His love. No more fixing it our self. No more depending on our own ability. We present our self before Jesus in utmost honesty. A truly repentant heart is a result of exposing ourselves to this abundant and endless love.
Let our hearts be filled with so much hope in His unconditional love that after every lapse we will never succumb to the tendency of our human nature to fix it our self. Let's meet Jesus in the confessional as often as possible. May we bask ourselves in the sacramental grace and the special grace the lent season offers us.
Unmistakably, it is the beautiful painting we allow our God, the artist to paint using our self, the brush, which attracts others to God.